i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
