Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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