fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
