Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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