All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
