is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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