Kareoke will never be a sober sport
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
