wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
