yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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