I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize