life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
