I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
