I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
