hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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