Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
