I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
