We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
