mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
