I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize