Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
