I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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