I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
