I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
