dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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