you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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