i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
