He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
