I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
