im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
