just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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