I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
