I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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