Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
