Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
