we're blogging at a bar
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
