There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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