i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
