Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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