Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
