check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
