Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize