I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
