How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
