Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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