She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
