This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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