youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
