Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
