i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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