i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
