I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
