So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
