Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
