The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
