she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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