Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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