Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
