ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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