I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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