I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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