Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize