You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
