if i can run in heels then i can drive
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Come share oat with me in your robe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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