peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize