Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
