you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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