went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
