we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
