I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
