If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
