Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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