So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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