umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
