***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
