Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
