that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
