When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
