I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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